Cry Baby

WARNING: KADRAMAHAN PA RIN PO ITO. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

I have always been a cry baby. I cry because of trivial matters.

I cry over movies whenever I am touched by a line or a scene.

I cried when my lola and I got pushed by the mob on our way up the ship to Bohol from Nasipit pier. I remembered the man in front of me shouted at me for pushing his daughter and I got angry because he blamed it on me when the people behind my back were the one pushing. But instead of shouting back at him, I just cried. I just graduated from elementary then.

I cried in front of my colleagues when I was SBO President way back in high school because I got too upset about something I couldn’t recall now.

I cried too in college when I lead some classmates in a play for our English class. I remember being frustrated because we couldn’t get it right.

It seems my tears are the only outlet of any emotion that is too much for my heart to hold. And every time I am done crying, I feel ashamed for being too shallow and weak. That’s the reason why if I can control it, I avoid crying in public. But I find it very hard to control.

Privately, I allow myself to cry all my heart out. My problem with this is my eye bags expose me. Ilang minutes lang ng iyak, lobo na agad eye bags ko.

Over time, I have developed ways and tricks to conceal my crying. Here’s my tips:

1. 1. If you cry at night, wag matulog kaagad pagkatapos umiyak kasi mas lalong mamamaga ang eye bags. Ipahinga muna ang mata.

2. Blink your eyes many times after crying to get the red out in seconds

3. Pagkatapos umiyak at kelangan nang humarap sa tao, put baby powder over your face and eye lids. Dapat mawala ang watery effect ng inyong eye lids.

4. Maligo pagkatapos umiyak para marelax. After the shower, cgurado wala na ang red eyes mo.

5. Piliting mag smile kahit hindi mo feel . Kahit papaano, it will lift your facial muscles and light up your face.

Ginawa ko na lahat ito this morning but it didn’t save me from being revealed. Unlike last time when I could call in sick, I was already in Tower dahil panggabi ako. For some reason, I do not want my colleagues here to know. These people have come to treat me like their own daughter or niece, and knowing I am in pain would somehow hurt them too. And because I am always in their company, I would witness their feelings; it would be like having your feelings reflected. And like light, it would grow in intensity. Yon ang iniiwasan ko na ma magnify ang aking misery. My pain now is too much to take and having it magnified would be excruciating. Baka maging Sisa na nga ako wehehehehe

One of my friends was right in saying that broken hearts don’t mend overnight and that my feelings could still fluctuate. Oh, crap!