Ramblings Part 2

WARNING: KADRAMAHAN LANG ITO SA BUHAY, WALANG

KATUTURAN. READ IT AT YOUR OWN RISK.

The news last week had made me so stressed that I have to call in sick the day after. I became hysterical that morning, I can’t control my tears. I can’t fathom the reason but I was suddenly drowned in the pain of my heart. It became so unbearably heavy, there’s no way to keep on breathing but to cry.

I have controlled my feelings after I took my bath that morning but I didn’t want to show my colleagues my swollen eye bags and I was afraid more sad news would come that I wouldn’t be able to handle it anymore.

So I spent my day doing errands such as paying my bills, cleaning my room, betting on lotto and bathing my brat cat.

The next day, I went to work in high spirits. They did guess I was not really sick, they knew I was stressed and I just admitted it knowing its easier. I rolled my eyes thinking I can never hide anything from these guys. And thus, their different advice and suggestions emerged. It was unsolicited but I listened anyway because I know these people just wanted my best interests.

One supervisor suggested that I talked to Choi to convince him that we exchange places of assignment. I told him he would never allow it. He said I’ll say it this way “Love, palit muna tayo. Ngayon dalawa kayong iniisip ko - ang mga magulang ko at ikaw. Kung magpapalit tayo, ikaw nalang ang iisipin ko. Gusto mo bang magkaroon ng syotang Sisa? Baka ikaw ang tawagin kong Basilyo.” Very funny. I just told him, Choi would never agree. Besides we’ve broken up and even if we still are together, he would never agree. Self-sacrifice is never to his liking. This last two statements I just kept to myself.

Another suggested “ Magpakasal na kayo. Huwag kayong paapekto sa nangyayari sa career nyo. Kung gusto nyo ang isa’t-isa, magpakasal kayo at saka nyo puntahan ang opisina at sabihing hindi na kayo pwedeng magkahiwalay pa.” I argued that if that happens, the office would have another excuse not to transfer me because it is a policy that married couples should not be in the same office. And besides, that decision is not one way to make. He hasn’t agreed before, much more now. One supervisor agreed with me and said it’s difficult to commit that way.

Hay, if they only knew the true situation. They thought I’m doing this for love.

This transfer is not for love. Although it may be brought about by it, - with me being depressed and wanting to be in my comfort zone- it is more than that. My dreams, my future goals involve being in Davao and not anywhere else. I want to settle in Davao forever.

Another suggested that what if I just swap my position with ANSS 1. Is this possible? I don’t know. My father also told me the same thing. It’s alright for me but would Civil Service approve of it?

But God is so good at times like this. He gave me my father who suggested that I could resign next year if I can’t really transfer. He is planning on a new business and was thinking of me to manage it. He will still be saving for capital though so it would require some time. For me, that is really a relief.

I love my father. His is the only proposal that made sense.