Black Valentines

This morning, when I arrived at work, my supervisor greeted me by saying, “O valentines na valentines nkablack ka!” Huh?!!!

I rolled my eyes. Oo nga ano. Feel ko lang magblack today but not to symbolize my lack of a love life nor my cynicism towards this day of hearts.

Black is associated with darkness, emptiness, evil and whatever negative and gloomy that comes to mind. It is hardly the color to represent my state of mind at the moment. I feel so miserable a few weeks ago but I don’t feel that way now.

Just days ago, a lot of my friends got in touch with me; some posted online, some send me email, and some send me texts –all with the same message of assurance, comforting words and promises of prayers. I thank them all. I hadn’t had the chance to cry my heart out to them but I got their support anyway, thanks to technology. They all worried that I was extremely grief-stricken judging from my blog and friendster profile.

Last week, my mother told me, “It’s ok; he’s not the only guy in the world. At least you have known his attitude earlier. Don’t be sad, there are still many of us here who loves you.” So cliché! But wow! Coming from my mother, who likes my ex, it’s so comforting. Hearing it, I chuckled and laughed.

At that instant, I checked on my feelings and to my surprise, the pain was gone. Maybe I was just over reacting and blowing everything out of proportion. I felt guilty that they worry about me when they have nothing to worry about.

I suddenly realized that I am not really that miserable after all. I was wrong to believe I am a living dead. I never died inside. I’m certain now that I’m not hurting anymore. Thus, I didn’t deserve such attention and concern from my loved ones.

I can’t guarantee though that the pain won’t come back, but hey, at least be happy for me, I feel good at the moment and that’s what matters right?

Today is Valentine’s Day. All of us would be smothered by all the romance in the air but I would not try to escape away from it. I am still fascinated by the strong force of love. I am still hoping that I’ll get my heaven out of it someday. But if the chance comes again next time, I’ll be more careful in giving my heart out. For now, I am ok. I can smile, I can laugh, and I am willing to enjoy life once again.

Anyway, what color can represent hope? That will be the color of my valentines today and definitely, it’s not black.