I turned thirty years old last week. Yes, thirty. I never imagined that my life would be like this when I reached this age – very unstable in a lot of aspects. I just suffered from a broken relationship, my career seems stagnant, and I am struggling financially. I short, my life sucks big time.
For the past decade of my life, I just wandered endlessly, lacking of real goals. Sometimes, I look into the future and cannot picture anything in it; it seems so bleak and dark. Maybe because, I really couldn’t figure out what I really want out of my life then. So for the past decade, it’s like I went along to where the tides lead me. I have no control of my life. I was just watching it unfold before my eyes. I was just waiting for things to happen.
Also, I made a lot of wrong choices, settled for things that I don’t deserve and doubted what I am actually worth.
I have hurt myself and others in the process.
Just days ago, I feel dead; breathing but totally lifeless inside.
As I made the preparations for the dinner celebration with my housemates, a realization struck me. I have felt a sense of exhilaration, a sense of new hope. Being thirty could not be bad after all. A lot of things could still happen for the next decade of my life. I could start make things happen. I could start on making goals and trying to achieve what I really want.
I feel that this time I have the opportunity to realize my dreams. So what if I am jilted? When a door close, a window opens right? I can have free reign on my life now. I wouldn’t have to think of anyone, I can fly to wherever I want to. So what if I failed? I learned many lessons.
I know that it’s quite late for these realizations to occur...but better late than never right?
Despite it all, I have so many things to be thankful for the past decade. As greetings from family and friends came, I felt I am still so loved by the people who matters most to me. Although most of these persons I met before I was twenty, they reminded me that true friendships never change and grow over time.
Today is Chinese New Year. What an auspicious time to start over. My life may have stopped at twenty but it could begin again at thirty.
Kung Hei Fat Choi!
